** Informational/Clarifying Note** For those of you who don’t know, my friends and I talk about guys we are going on dates with in code by giving them a nickname. The nicknames are created as we learn a little about them and are usually based on a strong characteristic that will help you keep them all organized in your head!
So, now back to cute dad guy – who over time has become – dad guy. I have always heard people say, “I didn’t think he was that cute but when I got to know him and his personality, I found him to be attractive.” Well, the same goes for when you meet someone and think they are cute and then get to know them and then don’t think so anymore – hence the change in nickname for dad guy.
So, let’s rewind to the November time frame (a week or so before Thanksgiving). I was first attracted by his radiant smile and then read his profile which was rather funny to me. He was sarcastic in his approach of explaining what he wanted and the things that he found flawed in the way women handled online dating – or dating in general. I sent him sarcastic note – not expecting to hear anything in return – but I did! We exchanged messages and then swapped numbers. We continued to message and get to know each other and finally decided to meet. He was very understanding of my work schedule and drove up to meet me for lunch before work. I was extremely nervous meeting him but once we met and sat down, my nerves went away and we have a fantastic lunch with fabulous conversation. We talked about everything from work (he was starting a new job) to past relationships/dates to family. I can honestly say, there was never an awkward silence. We got caught up in the conversation that we lost track of time that had my meeting notice reminder not gone off – I would have been late to work (only time I am thankful for technology). After lunch, I darted off to work and had a message thanking me for lunch and conversation shortly after arriving and getting settle into my desk. We continued to text back and forth each day and decided to meet up again the next week. Since he had started a new job and worked during the day, I decided to leave for work a little early and stop by to have lunch with him on my way to work. Again, we had great conversation over a good meal. We decided to walk over to Starbucks, grab a coffee, and then walk down to the Seattle Waterfront and chat a little longer. The conversation was good – deeper conversation this time – and like last time, we pushed the limit on time and talked until I had to rush off to work.
Fast forward a few weeks – we still chatted – just not as much and he was always “busy” with work or his kids. He also started to make me insecure about who I was – the nice, kind, caring, southern belle I was raised to be. I started to get annoyed by this and began thinking he was pointing on “flaws” of mine so that I would focus on those and not on his flaws. We met up for drinks the night before Thanksgiving and had decent conversation. I finally just blurted out what was bothering me and explained that I didn’t like him telling me how I should do things and that I felt like he was friend-zoning me. He seemed a little caught off guard but handled it the best he could – with excuses.
I can’t imagine what he is going through fighting for more time with his kids since his divorce and I hope I never have to find out. I think he should focus on that and not dating which is what he finally said he was doing (except he was online everyday talking to more women). He also said that his family warned him about the girl he married and he didn’t listen so this time he is going to listen to them which means not dating. He is a great guy who has a lot going on and really just needs to friends right now. I am more than happy to be his friend – I just have to remind myself not to express my feelings/opinions about what he says and does because deep down – we don’t have that type of friendship. I might not agree with everything he does or understand the logic behind his decisions but I can be there when he needs someone to listen – and that is what I will do. I won’t do to him what he did to me that drove me crazy! As much as I enjoyed hanging out with him and thought he was someone I could date – I am glad I found out early that were weren’t a match.
What would do in this situation? Be friends and supportive or just say screw it?
Until next time…xoxo….Julie